Krispy Kreme & The Unintentional Cougar

     Prior to March 2016, if you would have bet me a million dollars that I would be on this journey today, I would have first, laughed my ass off at that ridiculous notion and second, jumped all over that bet while looking forward to rolling around in a big ass pile of your money. Me? An actual cougar? HA! I'm doing WHAT on cam for complete strangers? Yeah, right! I sell my panties, XXX videos & pics online? What kind of drugs are you on?! Like seriously, you must be trippin' balls or high AF cause you've done lost your mind!

     Being a single mom most of my kid's life lead to dating, guys & sex being put on the backburner.  I became so devoted to my roll as "mom," I forgot that before being given that title, I was a woman first. Now I would date here and there, even had a couple of long-term relationships but I was determined that my child wouldn't see a continuous string of men revolving in and out the door. So I concluded that it would be best if the only times I really dated, or had sex for that matter, were the few times a year the kid was out of town visiting family, like spring break, Thanksgiving and between Christmas & New Year's. Other than occasional phone calls here or there, that was all I could give to someone. Needless to say, that left my dating life pretty much dead and my sex life consisting of nothing more than my plethora of toys & porn.  
     I made peace with the fact that once my kid was grown & gone, I would become that reclusive cat lady of legend, you know, the kind that are used to scare little kids around the campfire and threaten young adults with. "BREAKING NEWS! Reclusive cat lady found long dead and eaten by her 100 cats! Neighbors say they had never seen the lady, only multitudes of Amazon and PetCare packages! Story at 11!" I figured that as long as the kid was happy & healthy, I had all the companionship I needed in my pets and BOB(Battery Operated Boyfriend for those who didn't know) to take care of the rest. That mindset lasted me for 5 years, you read that right...5 YEARS! During that time, I had sex once and it wasn't even worth leaving the house for, haha. So yeah, I went back to BOB & continued on with my life.
   When I finally met someone, I thought that he was "the one." I'll spare you the messy details but **SPOILER ALERT** he wasn't, far from it actually. It was only when I finally started coming out of the fog from my earthshattering heartbreak that I fully realized the damage he left in his wake. Already battered, bruised and broken, I had to face yet another monumental heartbreak when I almost lost my mother February of 2016. That took precedence over my healing, my recovery and pretty much everything else. I spent countless days driving between my home and the hospital my mother was in just north of Atlanta, every three or 4 days for almost three months. It was during that time when I realized that what I wanted, needed, more than just about anything was the comfort and security of that special someone. At night, I slept in my car because I had our dogs with me and couldn't afford a hotel room. I would lie awake wishing I had that someone I could call for support and comfort, just to hear words of reassurance. It was during the nights and the long drives back and forth when I would realize exactly how alone I was. Not just lonely, truly alone. I had friends but my closest friend was fighting her own battle with breast cancer so the last thing I wanted to do was burden her with my "poor, pitiful me" self. I knew I was strong and resilient but sometimes you just need someone to carry the burden with you or for you.
     It was also during this extremely difficult time when I was able to discover those who truly cared about me and those who didn't. While I was so caught up in what was going wrong in my life at the time, I was overlooking what was going right. A worried question here, a lingering look there and a genuine concern about how I am, noticing that something out of the norm was happening with me. Not to mention the little things like going out of the way to check on me, complementing me on my new outfits or just making conversation, getting my mind off things. I had never in my life met someone with such a truly genuine soul. No ulterior motives, no games, no bait n switch, just a truly good human.
     Lord knows I had a crush on him, that turned into an obsession, even getting to the unhealthy level! I am not even joking. My BFF, that worked there too, would often call me out on my creeper-ness. I would look for him pretty much every day. Whenever I would hear him coming down the hall or hear his voice, my heart would start racing, my skin would get all flush and my mind would start going crazy. I dressed as sexy as I could get away with...tight pants, tight/short skirts, tight, low-cut shirts, anything that I thought would turn his head. I felt like a freaking high school girl again. He was so much a part of my thoughts that even my ex knew him by name, even saying I talked about him too much!  If the ex only knew how much I THOUGHT about him, he would have lost his mind. I knew he was an amazing guy that I would only ever have in my mind so I did my best to not loose my shit around him like some love struck school girl.        
    
     You know those moments that are forever burned in your memory? That precise heartbeat in time when it feels like you are finally able to breath again, like you are able to live again? For me, it was all because of a box of Krispy Kreme donuts. Just by that one, small, simple gesture of true kindness, he unknowingly started a chain reaction that would lead to the beginning of us.
     I will never forget that he went out of his way to show me such kindness at a point in my life when I needed it more than he knew. When I went to give him a "thank you" hug, I did a one arm quick one...because I knew if I lingered too long, once I had his arms around me, I was not going to let go.  So what, you may ask? Well...he was (unhappily) engaged at the time. There I was catching MAJOR feelings for a guy I figured would never be anything more than the guy in my fantasies and dreams. As hard as it was for me to see him unhappy, I had a feeling that his situation would change soon and I would get my chance.  Very shortly thereafter, I did.
     The day I decided to give him my number, I wrote it down, went to give it to him and chickened out.  It took me about a week to actually give him my number. About a week went by after I finally grew a pair and he still hadn't contacted me so I kept thinking that maybe I was mistaken his kind nature for something more. One Thursday morning after driving in from Atlanta I had to go straight to work so I was beyond exhausted. During that drive, in my haze of emotions and exhaustion, I decided that as soon as I saw him, I would find out if he was interested or not. So, I told him since I was so tired, it was up to him to keep me awake and somewhat alert. He texted me shortly there after and I quickly lead the conversation from everyday chit chat to flirtatious, then on to sexual talk, then right on into graphic sext with pics. Well, I had some of my answer for the most part...he was definitely the naughty fun but was that all he wanted? I honestly figured that with him being so young and just getting out of a serious, long term relationship(6 years!), the last thing he would want to do was get completely involved with a woman my age and all the baggage that comes with it.    
     Just a couple of days later, I had lunch with him in the employee parking lot and while sitting on his lap in the passenger seat of my SUV, we had our first kiss. His arms around me felt like home, surrounding me with a comfort and strength I had never known. After he got off work, we hung out a friend of mine's house, trying to be "good." However, you know ya' girl couldn't contain herself...so I jumped on top of him, took off my shirt and that was the beginning of a long, glorious night. (Not to mention another pleasant surprise...boy got skills!) Sunday he stayed the night with me and even by that short amount of time, we knew it was so much more than just amazing, mind blowing sex. We were right where we were supposed to be. That was the start of a powerful connection between us that has only grown everyday since then. The conversations with him flowed so easily, we never seemed to be at a loss for words. It's always felt so familiar, like we've been here before, another time, another place but we found each other once again.

     So there you have it guys & dolls. The condensed version of how I became an unintentional cougar. Who would have ever thought something as simple as a box of Krispy Kreme donuts could change everything...